Shorts, crack and creepy girls.

The Backstory
OK so one of my friends....for the purposes of this blog we will just call her Creep is obsessed with Ben Cousins. She has but one mission in life. To steal his footy shorts (while my mission was to unstitch Andrew Walkers shorts so they fell off mid game....but sadly it was not to be) So Creep has thought of a few ways that her mission could be accomplished and while they are all similarly creepy and weird I fear most of them would simply fail and die in the place where dreams are made...Oh sorry I mean where shorts are made! They have involved such things as going to his house and stealing them off the line or sneaking into the locker rooms! Doomed! I, being the awesome friend that I am have come up with a cunning plan, one that cannot possibly fail but may end with me and Creep in jail. Oh well....such is life I suppose!

The Equiptment-
Rope
Tape
Kevin Rudd mask
Replacement shorts
Trench coats
1 purple glove
Homeless crack addict
Bobby Pin

The Plan-
We will fly to Melbourne wearing trench coats (and yes Creep you must wear clothes underneath), then make our way to his house which we found via google earth/My stalking contacts. Obtain written consent from a homeless crack addict that we are able to use him for the purposes of our mission without any repercussions if he is roped into playing for Richmond and send him to the door. Make him knock on the door wearing the Kevin Rudd mask while yelling "We won by a Rudslide" When Mr Cousins recognises the crack addict as the bum who he got high with last week we shall sneak into the backyard scaling his fence with the rope and hiding our identities by wrapping the masking tape around our faces. This is where the difficulty lies. Breaking in is not easy like you see in the movies....no no no. It is a hard business which is why I only use my James Bond like skills on the very rarest of occasions. I will take out my trust spy kit and pick his lock using a bobby pin and my purple winter glove...(I will not go into exact details as I may copyright this method in the future) After gaining access to the house Creep will search high and low for the shorts while I steal his crack to later be sold back to him by the homless man in payment for his brilliant distraction. Meanwhile Creep will get confused as to why she is in Mr Cousins house and experience a Ben induced delerium where she will believe she is his girlfriend and has every right to use his toothbrush and steal hair from his comb.
I once again will have to drag her from his house as she shouts "this crazy bitch is trying to kidnap me! " The police will arrive and haul our stalking, short stealing, crack dealing asses off to the clink while Creep still holds in her hands her golden icon that represents her one and only true love...Ben Cousins shorts!

This is all for you Creepy!

Note to self: Save bail money before the mission commences.