Shorts, crack and creepy girls.

The Backstory
OK so one of my friends....for the purposes of this blog we will just call her Creep is obsessed with Ben Cousins. She has but one mission in life. To steal his footy shorts (while my mission was to unstitch Andrew Walkers shorts so they fell off mid game....but sadly it was not to be) So Creep has thought of a few ways that her mission could be accomplished and while they are all similarly creepy and weird I fear most of them would simply fail and die in the place where dreams are made...Oh sorry I mean where shorts are made! They have involved such things as going to his house and stealing them off the line or sneaking into the locker rooms! Doomed! I, being the awesome friend that I am have come up with a cunning plan, one that cannot possibly fail but may end with me and Creep in jail. Oh well....such is life I suppose!

The Equiptment-
Rope
Tape
Kevin Rudd mask
Replacement shorts
Trench coats
1 purple glove
Homeless crack addict
Bobby Pin

The Plan-
We will fly to Melbourne wearing trench coats (and yes Creep you must wear clothes underneath), then make our way to his house which we found via google earth/My stalking contacts. Obtain written consent from a homeless crack addict that we are able to use him for the purposes of our mission without any repercussions if he is roped into playing for Richmond and send him to the door. Make him knock on the door wearing the Kevin Rudd mask while yelling "We won by a Rudslide" When Mr Cousins recognises the crack addict as the bum who he got high with last week we shall sneak into the backyard scaling his fence with the rope and hiding our identities by wrapping the masking tape around our faces. This is where the difficulty lies. Breaking in is not easy like you see in the movies....no no no. It is a hard business which is why I only use my James Bond like skills on the very rarest of occasions. I will take out my trust spy kit and pick his lock using a bobby pin and my purple winter glove...(I will not go into exact details as I may copyright this method in the future) After gaining access to the house Creep will search high and low for the shorts while I steal his crack to later be sold back to him by the homless man in payment for his brilliant distraction. Meanwhile Creep will get confused as to why she is in Mr Cousins house and experience a Ben induced delerium where she will believe she is his girlfriend and has every right to use his toothbrush and steal hair from his comb.
I once again will have to drag her from his house as she shouts "this crazy bitch is trying to kidnap me! " The police will arrive and haul our stalking, short stealing, crack dealing asses off to the clink while Creep still holds in her hands her golden icon that represents her one and only true love...Ben Cousins shorts!

This is all for you Creepy!

Note to self: Save bail money before the mission commences.

God whispers in my ear...

Keep a light on those you love
They will be there when you die
Baby there's no need to fear
Baby there's no need to cry

Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece in your life
Will it mean something to someone?

You fused my broken bones
Back together again
Lift the weight of the world
From my shoulders again

Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece in your life
Will it mean something to someone?
Every little piece of your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece of your life
Will mean something to someone

You touch my face
God whispers in my ears
There are tears in my eyes
Love replaces fear
You touch my face
God whispers in my ear
There are tears in my eyes
Love replaces fear

Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece of your life
Will mean something to someone
Every little piece in your life
Will add up to one
Every little piece of your life
Will mean something to someone

The Editors

The awesomness that is us!!!!!!!!!

OK so this is the awesomeness that is my sister, Susan and I. Here for the one and only time is our witty banter brought to you via facebook IM.

Aimee
tart
10:07pmSusan
slut
10:07pmAimee
huh??? who moi?
well I never
10:08pmSusan
dont make me come in there.
10:09pmAimee
Oh I would never dream of it....what with you having to walk the entire 6 meters to my room
10:13pmSusan
well if i walked backwards on my tippy toes ..... that would be a full on effort! so if you make me do that ill be way pissed off.
10:13pmAimee
LMAO
10:15pmAimee
And why pray tell are you walking backwards on your tippytoes?
10:15pmSusan
the girls are fully excited bout sat nite, i told em we are huntin for roo shootin rabbit huntin croc wrestlin country men
10:16pmAimee
You might be....I am just hunting for one that has all his teeth.
10:17pmSusan
haha damn straight. what an unfortunate quality to have to look for
10:17pmAimee
LOL....true
10:19pmSusan
im going to bed shit head (haha that rhymes) if your supa lucky i may even stop by ur boudouir (dunno how to spell) on the way to my pavillion
10:21pmAimee
If you are super lucky I might answer the door, although I must warn you I have a super hot guy in here that looks suspiciously like Nico Rosberg...there is also another one hiding in my wardrobe that seems to be Mark Webber...yes HOT SATAN...in the flesh. Enter at your own risk

You rock my socks LeLe

This post is dedicated to my lovely friend LeLe...I posted this for you cause you made me deface my own poor sock in the name of laughs and also cause no one rocks my socks like you do!

Stalking Boots...Check!

Ok so while I have witnessed no baby sacrificing or satanic worship going on I fear they may have found me out. They seem to have infiltrated my sanctuary. They came in the form of concerned lambs of God, bringing pamphlets to my door while I was slumbering. Unaware as she was of their intentions my mother took the pamphlets and placed them on the bench. I believe this is a sign that they know I have been watching. Those 10 thin pages of information hold another, more sinister meaning that what the ink proclaims. ‘We know you have been watching us,’ they said…. ‘And we are watching you as well!’
Oh woe is me…I have the enemy at my door and they are wearing suits and pearls AND I like pearls…..so as you can imagine I am slightly conflicted. Today as I peered over my fence in preparation for stalking duties I was promptly and very unexpectedly caught out. Camera in hand and stalking boots on I quickly retreated into the depths of my house waiting out the potential downfall of my neighbourhood. These church folk can be very persuasive so I can only assume that if they decided to bring the ‘smack down’ the whole damn place would follow!!!
For now my stalking duties have been put on hold but tomorrow is another day with yet another opportunity to stalk. I will creep out of the woodwork, sacrificing my very life to find out the truth….cause I’m selfless like that!!!

Audrey Hepburn and James Bond.

OK so I have decided to become an awesome spy. Something like a cross between Audrey Hepburn and James Bond. My first self appointed mission was to find out what the hell they are doing in the church next to my house. They meet like every second day, make heaps of noise and sometimes blast music to all hours of the night and not like chruchy sorta music either. I swear I heard Lady GaGa drifting from those windows....although that fact cannot be verified. I can only assume they are worshiping the Devil and sacrificing babies, either that or the church is actually a cover for a awesome Poker Face lovin' hiphop dance group! In the coming days I hope to get photographic evidence of this but as of now you will have to be satisfied with a blurry image taken while on spy duty in the dead of night.

Would you?

If a rose fell to the ground surrounded by dirt
would you lift its beauty from the dust?
Would you brush off the petals and lay it back down,
would you leave it to wilt in the sun?
If it lay there so perfect, so lovely to see
would you want to disturb its grace?
When the colour began to seep from its core
would you stare at it throughout the day?

If a blackbird was sitting alone in a tree
lamenting its life in sorrow
Would you block out the noise and return to you life
or would you feel his pain like your own?
If he sang out a song that broke your heart
would you cry in the shade of his perch?
When he falls to the ground in broken repair
would you go lift his wings in your hands?

If you live your life day to day
does it mean you don't look to tomorrow?
When the days are long and your soul is light
do you remember the times long past?
If a stranger approached you and asked you for change
would you ask her the same in return?
When the night time falls and your home alone
do you lay on the floor so mournful ?


Aimee x